Joy by Alexander Lowen

Author:Alexander Lowen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2010-12-23T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 8

SEXUAL ABUSE

Sexual abuse is a most heinous form of the betrayal of love since sexuality is normally an expression of love. The abuser approaches his victim as if he or she were offering love, but then takes advantage of the innocence and/or helplessness of the other for his personal need. It is the betrayal of trust which constitutes the most damaging aspect of this crime, but the physical violation adds an important dimension of fear and pain to this destructive action. Individuals who have been subjected to sexual abuse generally bear the scars of their experience for a lifetime. Most serious is the victim’s suppression of the experience because of feelings of shame and disgust about what happened. But when these feelings are suppressed, it leaves the individual with a deep sense of inner emptiness and confusion. Victims of sexual abuse cannot surrender to their body or to love, which means that there is no chance of fulfillment in their lives. For them the voyage of self-discovery is a most frightening venture. Their treatment requires a special awareness of this problem.

How common is sexual abuse? That depends on what we consider to be sexual abuse. Statistical studies based on questionnaires sent to adults indicate that 30 to 50 percent of those responding reported that they had been abused as children. If any violation of a child’s privacy regarding his body and sexuality is regarded as sexual abuse, the incidence, I believe, could be greater than 90 percent. A female patient recalled her feeling of shame and humiliation when, at the age of three, she was made by her family to pose nude for a photograph. Public comments about a child’s developing sexuality can well be considered a form of sexual abuse. When a father spanks his young daughter on her bare bottom, it is, in my opinion, an act of sexual abuse as much as physical abuse. If the father derives a sexual excitement from his actions, the child senses it. One patient told me that she asked her husband to spank her bare bottom—something which excited her sexually to a point where the sexual intercourse that followed was the best she had experienced. This is typical masochistic behavior.24 It stemmed, no doubt, from the fact that this woman was spanked by her father when she was a child in a similar fashion, which greatly excited her sexually. Masochistic or sadistic practices associated with sex stem from childhood experiences which have become imprinted in the child’s personality. Many women use masochistic fantasies, such as being tied up while they are engaged in the sexual act, to help them reach a climax. I would go so far as to say that any beating of a child by an adult has sexual implications.

Today, however, we are aware that many cases of sexual abuse involve direct sexual contact between an adult or adolescent and a child. We also speak of such cases as a form of incest. Where such direct contact occurs,

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